Whether it’s an anticipated visit from extended family, attending a party, or going to a fancy holiday tea, the holiday season can put a sudden spotlight on our kids’ manners.  To help prepare, we’ve turned to our local experts: Betty Rabe, author of Mind Your Manners at the Table and owner of Charmed Etiquette, offering workshops for children and adults; and Lisa Zuppardo, owner of La Petite Tea Room, where she offers Mommy & Me table manners classes every Wednesday.

Table etiquette while dining out

Betty:


“Practice, practice, practice. Take your kids out. Let them experience what it’s like, and let them know what’s expected of them when they go out. For instance, if you always eat at Chuck E. Cheese, then they think that that is always how it is, no matter where you go.”

Lisa:


“With very young children, you can’t expect the best behavior. But with three and older, they understand the power of ‘please’ and ‘thank you.’ And they do seem to transform in an environment that’s really fancy, with fine china plates. In our manners’ teas, we discuss things like putting the napkin in our lap first, and not reaching across someone’s plate for something, but asking them to pass it to you. And looking at the waiter or waitress when you speak to them.”

Table etiquette at home

Lisa:


“Well, if there’s something you don’t like on your plate, don’t vocalize it. And what you do afterward is also important; Take your plate away, ask your mom if she needs help cleaning up.”

Betty:


“The most important thing to do is discuss what’s expected of them ahead of time. I’ll say, ‘Hey, we’re going to be [at a dinner party] for quite a while, so Mommy expects you to be in the seat and that’s where you need to stay. If you need something, let me know.’ She takes my cue and knows, okay, I’d better put my bottom in that seat.”

Gracious with gifts

Betty:


“Often kids will be like, ‘Oh I got this gift already,’ or ‘Oh, another shirt,’ so I will point out to her ahead of time, ‘Don’t forget to say thank you.’ Let your child know how they took time to go to the store and buy you the gift and they were thinking about you. Even if it’s something that you aren’t really thrilled about, you can still be really appreciative of it.”

Thank you notes

Betty:


Thank them twice. What I mean by that is, if you’ve been invited to a birthday party, ‘Did you go thank Miss Heather for inviting you?’ or ‘Did you thank Zoë for inviting you to her party?’ And the second would be sending a note. I think a lot of times today we forget how special it is to get that note.

Manners in general

Betty:


“It’s not about learning all of these rules that were set in the 1920s; it’s about three principles: being respectful, being considerate, and being honest. If you can do those three things, you’ll have good manners.”

Lisa:


“You should always expect good manners, but it’s not something you should take for granted. Tell your children that it goes a long way—the kindness that they have will go a long way in their lives.”